Cum grano salis

There is so much you just can't understand about me...and not for the reasons you may think...

I am just a grain of salt. I am a part of something bigger.

We move around the country. We give our employers fake addresses. In most cities we live together in a single house or houses. We tell our friends fake reasons for why we are where we are...and we disappear into the fabric of wherever we are. We are your friends and co-workers...we laugh with you and sometimes touch you...but you'll never get too close...no matter how close you get.

I would leave work and go to work. Clandestine meetings, mapping...strategy...

and I would love to tell you...but the first rule of business is that there is no such thing...The biggest fear we have is that someone will write a book...so we all vow to keep an oral history...pass on anecdotes whenever we meet...

and I wish I could tell you how much I risked out there in the desert, how I broke protocol and almost lost it all...How you took me to the edge

and I got too close, no matter how close we weren't...

ultimately, who are you to me? No one. Just a shadow.

I collect shadows, I suppose

Mostly because I am one.