missing the letter after "o"

so here i am. back in TN, to clear my head, in theory.

on one hand, it has made things easier. Those who I love are healthy and thriving. I got to snuggle and run around the backyard with my dogs...Terry is doing wonderful...Mikey made me an amazing meal...I relaxed,I mean really relaxed for the first time in a longtime.on the other hand...it has made things more difficult.Terry wants to reconcile and we have had an amazing few days. He is clean and back to being who he was when we met.but there are still somethings missing. Do I choose friendship over passion? Do I choose to salvage a sexless union with Terry overthe possibility of sex filled one somewhere down the line?Do I let go of something secure because I am feeling insecure?Could I be with someone who is supportive but could never really understand what moves me?Are my feelings motivated by love or by fear?Are all feelings motivated by fear or love?
I just don't know.I think I needed a hug. I came here. I hugged.

Tomorrow night i will be back in Vegas and back to not having what I want and being too frustrated to get it.Vegas has been so difficult. It defies all my expectations. I expected waitresses to be my community and they arent. I expected to get on my feet quickly and I havent. I get so negative sometimes but at the same time I feel like my time in Vegas is crucial. I will learn,grow,learn how to be better to myself.

or atleast that is the objective.