I am sewing my scarlet letter

I am not sure at what point a healthy attitude about sex, sex divorced from morality, is healthy-and at what point it becomes sociopathic...

I separate sex and love, which is something that I think comes, in part, from a sex positive upbringing and in part, from having had relationships fail. Some of the most disconnected sex I have had is at the end of a relationship, when I know my heart has left the building but somehow my vagina still ended up leaving my pants.

And then there is various tiers of intimacy... I think sex is best if you are completely dedicated to the person or if there isn't a drip of dedication. The physical intensity that comes with love is only rivaled by the intensity that comes from sex with someone you couldn't care less about. A co-worker you don't like but have chemistry with for instance.But sex with a partner where both people aren't on the same page emotionally, is horrible. There is a desperation that is almost palpable.

Adultery is another issue I have been struggling with, since I had a brief dalliance with an adulterer. I truly believe that monogamy is a social construct...it is a choice, a choice tempered by fear and morality-but it isn't natural.I believe that a part of love is a sense of ownership of the other person, and that ownership also fuels monogamy...there is a sense that if you step outside your relationship it means less, or an angry partner may leave you. As a female I find the whole thing curious.

But sex, as a natural physical expression, is just that. It is more natural for us to fuck than to talk. Before there was spoken language there was the physical. Touch is the purest form of expression. But society has redefined touch and relationships...as a way to control people and populations...what we recognize as marriage is a pretty modern construct.
It is impossible to truly understand what happens in other peoples' homes and marital beds. When people stray they are seeking out something...acceptance, freedom, lust, attention...Maybe they are agressing some masculine need for dominance or some feminine need to be the center of attention. A married man that has a one night stand (assuming he uses protection) just to get his rocks off is less of an offender, in my mind, than a married man/woman who has an emotional affair.