Pane e Circus

Open letter with a built in retraction.

Imperfection is its own kind of perfection. Slipping on different skins, travelling through people and places. Making mistakes. Owning those mistakes. Taking risks results in motion, evolution, destruction and rebirth. Sisyphus forever pushes that boulder up the mountain accomplishing nothing...but prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to man-and forever changed the path of mankind. But if there is one thing sisyphus understood, it was motion. Motion trumps inertion. Inertion is decay.

I love guns but hate war.

I don't rationalize what I do. I just do. It isn't about some objective sense of morality or some particular qualified goal or reason. People come in many forms, I like to enjoy what they enjoy about themselves. Sometimes I just get a glimmer, sometimes a pound of flesh. Love, Lust, Hate...Id, Ego, Superego...Fight, Fuck and flee...the senses...maybe that is it. I take my life to be sensual. Fingers moving over skin. Wine rolling over the tongue...the warmth of a body breathing next to me...the space someone leaves when they are gone or when I disappear.
Identity without indemnity. Sensuality is sweetness and the raw....

I am a starry eyed cynic.

I am not the other woman. I am just another human. Super fucking human. I am not a dumb whore that just spreads her legs for any caveman.So fuck you. I am not a victim. It is symbiosis. Not all riddles are solved with logic. The body has its own riddles. I love men.their curves and angles. I love wit heavy with sarcasm. And I take what I want, leave when it is necessary and don't pretend to understand either. The sum of an individual is a measurement of their actions, admirable and deplorable. I love hard and have carried people with me for years...That deep sense of love outweighs bouts with ego and selfishness. The occasional mindfuck or midnight desperation...the weakness of two bodies in the dark...

Has it ever crossed your mind that what he takes from me, I take from him?

I don't judge you. Any of you. I have opinions, sure. I can't pretend to know what happens in your minds and beds. No one can fully understand the width of two people, even the two people involved. Monogamy, adultery, promises before god and chinese whispers...it is all relative...People suffer tradition and expectation because it is easier than thinking outside the box. Society isn't the archetype, but the shadow on the wall.

I find people who salt their food before tasting abhorrent. Okay, so I am a bit judgemental.

But you have to make a decision. Either agree that ignorance is bliss and construct your glasshouse...or choose to engage. Depression doesn't dictate your life, but fear. You accuse me of rationalizing my indiscretions, but what about you? You have taken one step forward since we met-moving from Lexington. You wallow in your own weakness. You hate everything he stands for because you are like bizarro him. He is cocky, ubermasculine and can fuck any woman he wants. He has charisma. People gravitate to him. He leads. Pane e Circus-that's him. You can cling to your platonic ideals, but ultimately-you lose. Not in his alphamale game, but in life. You are frozen in yourself. I believe that you think you are better because you aren't base. That you dominate from the neck up. Balance is key. Plato called for state sanctioned orgies, for man to engage in the basest behaviour possible-and after the body is sated, the spirit is free to find its pleasure.

I am working on it.
Life is big small important meaningless and mine.
So fuck you.