connecting the dots...

I was going through my pack this week and I found the keys to my house in Memphis.

My house. My bed. My dogs and my big back yard. The keys that open the doors to what was my life.

Problem is, by the time I packed my bags, my life wasn't mine anymore.

The drugs and booze had sucked all the light out and left a black hole.

I had given up.

but when I found those keys, I just broke down...

I haven't dealt with my feelings about my time in Memphis.

I had a friend in town and he sort of attacked me verbally, about my self destructive behaviour. That was like another key, opening the door to where all this hurt was hiding.

I just cried and cried.

How can I miss someone, or something that hurt me so much? Do I go back to Memphis and face what I left or do I wait until I am stronger? Will I be stronger if I don't deal with these feelings? Can I do this on my own? Should I see a therapist?

I want all the hurt to stop. I want to be free.