I am sewing my scarlet letter

I am not sure at what point a healthy attitude about sex, sex divorced from morality, is healthy-and at what point it becomes sociopathic...

I separate sex and love, which is something that I think comes, in part, from a sex positive upbringing and in part, from having had relationships fail. Some of the most disconnected sex I have had is at the end of a relationship, when I know my heart has left the building but somehow my vagina still ended up leaving my pants.

And then there is various tiers of intimacy... I think sex is best if you are completely dedicated to the person or if there isn't a drip of dedication. The physical intensity that comes with love is only rivaled by the intensity that comes from sex with someone you couldn't care less about. A co-worker you don't like but have chemistry with for instance.But sex with a partner where both people aren't on the same page emotionally, is horrible. There is a desperation that is almost palpable.

Adultery is another issue I have been struggling with, since I had a brief dalliance with an adulterer. I truly believe that monogamy is a social construct...it is a choice, a choice tempered by fear and morality-but it isn't natural.I believe that a part of love is a sense of ownership of the other person, and that ownership also fuels monogamy...there is a sense that if you step outside your relationship it means less, or an angry partner may leave you. As a female I find the whole thing curious.

But sex, as a natural physical expression, is just that. It is more natural for us to fuck than to talk. Before there was spoken language there was the physical. Touch is the purest form of expression. But society has redefined touch and relationships...as a way to control people and populations...what we recognize as marriage is a pretty modern construct.
It is impossible to truly understand what happens in other peoples' homes and marital beds. When people stray they are seeking out something...acceptance, freedom, lust, attention...Maybe they are agressing some masculine need for dominance or some feminine need to be the center of attention. A married man that has a one night stand (assuming he uses protection) just to get his rocks off is less of an offender, in my mind, than a married man/woman who has an emotional affair.

Pasta al Forno

cooking is zen

The latest

This is my apathetic roommate and the latest pic of moi! My pic was taken before going to see an indie rock show...The pic of my roommie, well it could have been taken at any time, he is doing what he does best!

Bring it...

Revolution et al...
So what is going to happen? What do you think we need?
This election his kept me glued to MSNBC and this is is such a weird time. I feel like we are moving forward because we are moving backwards...
The war, the economy, the gas crisis, Iran and even the escalation in Lebanon-These were front pages news in 1975.Though we were pulling out of Vietnam, and I see no end to Iraq...
If history repeats itself,the 70s were followed by the conservative, narcisistic 80s...but we have been living with that conservatism since 9/11 and we never let go of that narcisism.
we have the juxtaposition of a the possibility of a black president and the possibility of women losing their right to choose. Which however you feel about abortion, is a step backward. Roe v. Wade is about our right to govern our own lives.
You have the resurgence of the union movement, as unions have finally understood that our economy is no longer based on heavy industry but the service industry.So,while the UAW and Teamsters wane, SEIU AFSCME, and UNITE-HERE gain momentum.
But we also have the decline in education,a movement to teach intelligent design or creation in lieu of evolution. And the legalization of Gay marriage/civil unions.
It seems, depending on class or location, we are either on the brink of revolution or fascism!
I am confused. I don't know what is next. If you follow history, or have read up on your Marx- change happens in the extremes, then the pendulum swings...it is the bougeoisie that sets it all in motion-which are Obama's demographic, ironically.
The conservative christian movement blows my mind. Attacking McCain, who is served this country, was a pow, and is a total patriot-is unseemingly. Plus,true christians aren't hateful and true republicans don't want the government having its hands in every aspect of their lives. It doesn't make sense. Then you have the real nut jobs who blow up abortion clinics or protest at the funerals of fallen soldiers, because we are war because god hates the gays. In Tennessee that was happening alot. Oh, and crusty old southern guys trying to make vibrators contraband-citing the downfall of the family and promiscuity-which I am sure puts us right on par with radical islam-nice work guys!
so? any thoughts?

Follow my lead

Terminal Uniqueness,
As if fog, it rolls in
Slowly
And you try
Living
In the moment
just passing,seeping through
your secrets, places
winter-
she has left you
shivering,threadbare
unravelling the desert
Here, with me
In my bed, searching
For answers
which sometimes come
in cobblestones, crumbling
faded patinas
and other times
the answers come
long before the question
leaving you,
quietly
in that silence
As you navigate
your seasons, echoes
salvage
what remains
soft, if intangible
like the desert
Mine, for a moment
you were
obtuse, naked
fractured
piece by piece
moving inside me
and I
lay there watching
as you moved
memorizing, thinking
that you
THIS
was something I wanted
to protect
because we forget
Our skin
sometimes
that it isn't armor
but essence-
delicate
It breathes
comes to life as we do
And we recognize each other
Through our fingertips
exploring,
passing over
jagged edges,
in favor of places still
soft,if intangible
your eyes now
just broken windows
that let strangers slip in
and live
with her ghost
casting a shadow bigger
Than two people
can make in the dark
but I tried
Truly.
"Sorry"
you said
you couldn't
but you did-
living in the moment
just long enough
to leave me
wanting
a future-
but hey, I'm on your side
5/8/08 8:49 pm-Vegas

well...

Have you ever looked down into your shopping cart and realized you have nothing that qualifies as a food group?
Friday, after a long shift at the oyster bar, I went to market. I had pretzles, wine and tabloids...everything necessary for my friday night as a recluse...but no real food...I grabbed some chicken just for show.
Since transitioning from student to full-time server to post-grad to full-time server again, I feel like my quality of life has decreased somewhat. Part of it is age, but after dealing with people and all of their passive agressive bs that they agress at me over a plate of substandard casino grub-I just have no patience left over for a personal life.
oh well...